yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
As shirtless as possible
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
