I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
