Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
