I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
