This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
