I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
