If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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