peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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