I want to stick my p in your. b.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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