Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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