remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I fill condoms, not promises.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I could fuck to npr.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
