Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
