Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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