Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
