just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
