I seem to have left my pride at pride
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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