Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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