I'm drive I can fine osifer
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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