My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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