..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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