well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
