Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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