Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
