You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
