OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
