My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
