dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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