So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
this hospital has no fireball
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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