I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
40s are totally the cure
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
