Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
