Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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