Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
