if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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