Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
