Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
