I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
