I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
