Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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