woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
