Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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