i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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