How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I could fuck to npr.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
