oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
