I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
