I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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