Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
