I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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