Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
