fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
