how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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