So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
