I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
