I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
