it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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