I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
