can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
