you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
