i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
