im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
