hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
