Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
