dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The adults are the big ones right?
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