I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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