I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
